Yesterday, I got this shocking news from my folks in India, that a jade “lingam” has been discovered in a land that belongs to us. So we are building a new house back home and turns out that when the workmen were digging to lay the foundation they discovered a very rare jade “lingam” that’s priceless. It has since been stored in a very super secret place with laser beams criss-crossing around it, if you touch it, it will turn you into a mouse.
Given the highly
suspicious auspicious nature of this truly god sent object, the Hindu extremists have publicly threatened us to cease the house construction. When asked why they said, “because we hate valentine’s day“. When asked “huh?” they said and “yes, the project will destroy what Ram and his army of monkeys did“. When the pot smoking pundits were asked to clarify their stance they said “the house cannot be built there because Ram and his monkeys hid the “lingam” there on Valentine’s day as a practical joke on Shiva”.
To verify the claim of the Hindu hardliners the government approached the Archaeological Survey of India. After days of research they have submitted a report to the government saying the “lingam” is fake and was hidden there as a publicity stunt for the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull movie. Worried about adverse reaction the government has withdrawn the report. The Indian Culture Minister Ambika Soni has offered to quit her job, stating “dude, what is wrong with these people”? BBC has constant updates on this issue, so please go there for further info.